Psalm 51:17 (Message) Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
For many years, I hid all the broken pieces of my heart in a distant place far from sight. Too difficult to assess the damage, too painful to examine, and decidedly better just ignored until now. The alabaster box could no longer stay shut. Life is lived one choice at a time. The outcome is determined by what you decide. Bad choices result in consequences while good choices produce satisfaction. However, there are some things that are required which may be the right decision but painful and hard just the same. In the death of my mother and stepfather, I have been forced to walk through my past yet again. To visit places long since abandoned and shut up. It even meant going through boxes left behind to decide what to keep and what must go – literally. This is God’s Timing. I know it. Years of His Love as the Perfect Parent gives me the wisdom and grace to go through the pieces of this shattered heart and see evidence of His Faithfulness just the same.
I have shared many times that my mother died from addiction. Some may argue the point but her death certificate tells the tale. My stepfather loved my mother, but he couldn’t save her from herself. Their life became a tragedy. Boundaries had to be set. Setting safe boundaries is hard but necessary sometimes. It was not an easy decision. I mourned the relationship lost to alcoholism for many, many years. Now in the midst of preparing to lay them to rest together, I am going through the box again. Not the plastic bins I retrieved from family, but rather the one containing all the pieces of my shattered heart. It is not tragic but therapeutic. It is not a story of death but victory.
“Only God can fill the broken places with enough love to overcome the anger and resentment.” (Lee Wolfe Blum)
Oh my goodness! The truth in these words are a resounding, “Amen!” We all have boxes deep inside filled with the disappointments in life. Some have bigger ones than others. To say that life is not hard or heartbreaking is simply not true. There will be suffering in life as it is the part of the process that causes our need for God to arise. If our pride remained intact and our hearts solid, there would be no place for His Grace to touch us or faith to be planted, so it is in our brokenness that such an opportunity presents itself.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
Are you living a heart shattered life? Afraid to open the box sealed within your heart? Scared that if you release prideful control that holds it shut, others may see your weakness and imperfections? Revealing some secret truth too ugly to share in fear of judgement or worse rejection? I just want to share with you what brokenness has revealed to me in hope that you too will allow God’s Perfect Love to reach the depths of your shattered heart today.
God is faithful. I don’t know how else to describe it or convince you of it. You must see Him for yourself. The weapon that the enemy used to break me – the Lord has used to remake me. God became my parent when my parents couldn’t. He sent caretakers physically and spiritually. I couldn’t do it alone so He stepped into the vacancy. He transformed me into a Child of God. It made all the difference in the end. I miss my mom. She loved me very much. Her husband also a good man who contributed greatly to the life of my brother and I. My dad and I have a good relationship now as well. The Lord has blessed me with a bonus mom too who has been just as much of a mother to me. The pathway to this place was not easy but worth it. To live in perfect peace with God allows us to live in human relationships so much better.
Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you.
As a believer, it is important to carefully examine our heart and mind for authenticity. We do no good to the world if we are strictly performers going through the motion but not fully redeemed or restored. His Grace is sufficient yet power comes only in surrendering our weakness to Him. We must live a life exposed before the Lord so He can use it for His Glory. It is easy to allow pride to keep all those ugly pieces hidden away. It is more comfortable to not feel the pain of our brokenness by keeping the bandage tightly wrapped. When my oldest daughter was little, I would put Barbie or Hello Kitty Band-Aids on her boo-boo’s. Instantly appeased she would go on her merry way. However, when it was time to change the bandage or remove it all together – she instantly panicked. She was afraid it would hurt or bleed again. She didn’t want me to take it off at all. To her surprise, many times her boo-boo was almost completely gone with a faint hint of a scar where the wound once was. I wonder if the problem is not in our healing, but unwillingness to allow God to see it, tend to it or take the pieces of our shattered heart. As if the Creator of our life couldn’t be trusted when it all falls apart. Who better to make the Masterpiece that He promised than the One who was been with us from the beginning and promises to be faithful to the end.