Finding My Soul

finding-my-soul

Psalm 63:1 (NLT) O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.

My soul thirsts for you. Thirsts implies more than a basic need or indulgent want but an urgency far more complex than natural sustenance. How do I feed my soul? A part of my being unseen and untouched by human senses. My dad called yesterday. After running some tests, the cardiologist has concluded that my mom’s heart is not functioning as it should. She will have a heart catheterization on Monday to evaluate her aortic valve. I remember when my grandad was diagnosed many years ago with complete heart blockage undergoing a quadruple bypass. The doctor warned us that whenever the heart is operated on it can cause changes in emotions. It’s crazy because the heart is just a muscle. Yet, there must be something in there that is different from animals and the like or why would an invasive operation release such a flood.

According to the American Heart Association, emotional upheaval is common after heart surgery, heart attack or stroke. Survivors can feel a variety of emotions all at one time including fear, loneliness, depression, anger and heightened sensitization. Those not given to emotionalism are suddenly tearful. Could it be that there really is truth to a broken heart? I am certain that there is. Could it be that hidden beneath its obvious need and necessity to keep us breathing hides our soul? My soul thirsts for you, Lord.

Deuteronomy 6:4-6 (NLT) “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.”

We are to love the Lord three ways. We love Him with all of our heart which I believe is our mind, will and emotions. We love Him with our strength which is our physical being or our body. We are to love God with all our soul. What is that? I believe that is our forever love. The commitment that reaches past this life into forever. It is foreign to us. Could it be that it is hidden in our heart? Could it be that is why our heart must be broken to discover real love and our soul hidden within? When our heart is broken – we seek the Lord. When our body is sick – we seek the Lord. Our soul needs Jesus just as much as our heart and body. In fact, dare I say, even more because it is our soul that crosses from this life to eternity. The Lord uses our natural means of heart, mind and body to give way to prosper our soul in this life so that when all else fails it endures to the end reaching eternity.

Psalm 84:1-2 (NLT) How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies. I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.

Would we ever discover the vast depths of God’s Love for us outside of physical and emotional hardship? I don’t know if it’s possible. Only when death becomes a possibility and the next day uncertain do we reach beyond this life to feel for something more. Faith maintains itself in the comfort of a rocking boat until the storm comes. Only then do we test it decide maybe it’s time to step out of our comfort zone and test the water. Trusting God is easy when nothing of true value is at stake. But when there is a need for sacrifice, it’s time to pick up the knife, wood for the fire and head to the mountain of sacrifice praying that the Lord will meet you there with a ram in the thicket. My heart loves God. My body loves Him, too. I strive to show the Lord my love for Him in the natural. However, without a prospering soul – I will miss the mark. So my heart must be broken and my body limited. God’s Presence will never be a place arrived at by pride, self-preservation and the strong. It is reserved for those who decide He is life.

Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT) Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Could it be? Is it possible? People try to draw God into their natural circumstances and change the condition of this life when all along the secret is to find rest in our souls. Confidence that no matter what we face today that our forever is secure. Complete trust that the God in us is greater than anything we face around us. Jesus invites us to come to Him when we are weary and carry heavy burdens and He will give us rest. Are you still tired despite a relationship with the Lord? Do you still get overwhelmed with life? Are you weary of well-doing because there do not seem to be results? Maybe just maybe – we forgot to read the next verse.

“Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your…souls.” Jesus wants to teach us to have confidence in His Strength found in His Grace so that when our heart, mind and body are challenged in the natural that we can find supernatural peace in a satisfied soul. This world is not going to change for the better. I must be made better. I cannot do it so my own natural ability and strength are not important. I cannot figure it all out so therefore what good is my mind. My heart is fickle and wavering most days so it cannot be the guide for my life. It is my soul secure in Jesus Christ that will allow me to endure to the end and find rest even on the most uncertain days of this life.

Matthew 16:25-26 (NLT) If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I have tried to hang on to this life. There are days that I have invested way more in this life then I should have. The only thing of worth on this planet is the human soul. Every human soul that ever was created is important to God. Love is our primary objective though it is human nature to make it about other things. I tried to hang on to our son’s life during his battle with cancer. I did. But somewhere around the third relapse, I realized that I could not make him live. I could not sustain his life. The reality of life and death played out before me. It is humbling to realize that no matter how strong you are today all that can change in an instant. The ordeal of three years broke my heart completely. I never expected to find peace in the midst of our life being turned upside down and radically shaken. Could it be that was the moment I discovered my soul? Is that why the human heart experiences new feelings and emotions when it is afflicted? Our soul is the only thing we have to completely connect with the Lord. We must pay attention to it. Feed it God’s Word. Allow His Spirit to prosper it. We must be ever conscious and aware that our body may pass away. Our flesh will fail. Our soul can prosper from now into forever.

Hebrews 4:12-13 (NLT) For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.

We make worshipping the Lord so many things. Jesus wants us to find rest, confidence, completeness in Him alone. He promises rest to our souls. The Word of God is alive and powerful. It cuts between the soul and spirit. Could this mean that we need God’s Word to discern between what we feel and what we know? My soul thrives on the knowledge of God’s Saving Power and Amazing Grace demonstrated in His Son, Jesus. It is the center of my soul’s reality and the place where I can find true rest. However, people can get caught up in emotionalism. We must feel something for it to be real. We must touch it to be genuine. We must walk by faith and not by sight. Only our soul can truly know and understand this precept. It is how it moves, lives and breathes.

When Jesus came to the disciples eight days after His Resurrection, He went to Thomas. Thomas had to place his fingers in the nail-scarred hands of His Lord to believe. Jesus said, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” Our soul believes without seeing Jesus. In the natural, we look for signs and wonders. In our heart, we seek His Consolation. But it is within the human soul that we find confidence that allows us to rest in His Presence until He comes.

Hebrews 6:18-19 (NLT) So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.

Lord Jesus, hope is the anchor for my soul today. Do not let me drift. Do not let me be shaken by a trembling heart on the verge of breaking but welcome brokenness if that is what it takes to prosper my soul. Jesus, don’t let me become discouraged if I am fighting a physical battle especially if it makes me let go of this life to hang on to You. I want your promise. I depend on your oath. I rely on the fact that you do not change. It is where I find rest today. You are my confidence in all things Jesus. Today Lord make my soul prosper no matter what it takes as I find my way to You!

3 John 2 Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.

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